I want to begin this post by saying that my heart is hurting for those that long to be pregnant and to have a sweet baby growing in their womb. We’ve experienced loss ourselves and while our journey has given us our own story, God is working in each of the women He’s created to give them their own stories too. No story is better than another and even a positive pregnancy test nor the birth of a baby is the end to that story. The beginning, middle and end to every story is Jesus and the hope we have because of him.
One of our pastors at church has said that when he and his wife were younger and having children, all he had to do was look at her and she would get pregnant! Obviously he just means that God blessed them with the ease of getting pregnant and they both know and acknowledge what a gift that was and they don’t take it lightly. But, that’s not our story, which is fine! In my ideal world, I wanted to have our kids in the fall so they would be older in their classes at school. My birthday is in October and I really enjoyed having an early birthday when I was growing up! But, even though we started trying at the beginning of the calendar year, God kept saying “it’s not time.”
It shocked me each time because even the way my calendar is this fall, my last wedding is in early October so I though SURELY it meant we would have a baby in the fall! But then we booked our trip to Paraguay and because of the Zika virus and the way I attract mosquitos, we knew it would be best if we put our baby plans on hold. So again, God was telling us to wait.
But the planner that I am kept looking at our calendar for next year and with my first wedding in March, knowing I’d be having a c-section and need time for recovery, and wanting some actual time for maternity leave (not to mention that I’m in my mid-30s and not getting any younger!), it felt like our time was running out. So when I took a pregnancy test at the very earliest that the box said I could and it was negative, I cried. I was sad, I was frustrated, I didn’t know if something was wrong with us or if it just wasn’t meant to be for us that I get pregnant again. And every single one of those emotions was normal and ok. I just needed some time to mourn.
But of course, that’s when God was telling me to “just wait.”
The very next Monday a couple of things happened. My nose was a little stuffy, but I wasn’t feeling sick. And I was more out of breath than usual at crossfit (which is hard to do, trust me!). However, both of those things happened when I was pregnant with Catherine so I was curious. I also had one pregnancy test left at home so after putting Catherine down for her nap, I took it and was in shock when it told me it was positive. I honestly could not believe it! But, as always, God’s timing is perfect.
Just the day before, I’d seen some “Promoted to Big Sister” shirts at Target. I looked at them longingly because I so much wanted to be buying one for Catherine, but I had no idea what size she would be when we finally would conceive again. But as always, the Lord knew I needed to catch a glimpse of those shirts! So, after she got up from her nap and we had lunch, we took a trip over to Target just for that shirt!
So when Ben came home, Catherine and I were ready! And I couldn’t have loved Ben’s reaction any more than I did :-)